0 comment Monday, April 21, 2014 | admin
When husband and I did our first batch of Mother's Day and Father's Day with the kids last year, friends and family were so happy for us that we finally had children to celebrate these day.
But they were awful for us, both of them. Couldn't pin down exactly why though, but yesterday was our second Father's Day and now I think I can.
Firstly, if husband and I could have had birth children, we wouldn't have to share Mother's or Father's day with any other parent. As it is, our children's birth parents are present in mind if not body, for us as well as for the children, on both days.
Secondly, if husband and I could have had birth children, they would not have been screwed up by neglectful parenting, being in the care system and the trauma of adoption. Therefore our birth children would not be presenting us with such emotional and behavioural difficulties that meant I couldn't work, that meant sleepless nights and tears shed, that meant professional input was required.
Thirdly, our birth children would love us, which I am not yet sure our adopted children do.
Lastly, it's hard to take part in a day celebrating Mothers and Fathers when our children's birth parents - and those of the majority of adopted children in this country - were so unfit to be a Mother or a Father that their children had to be taken away from them.
So, yesterday was awful. The weirdest thing is that people who are close to us have no idea of the trauma such days bring to our family. It feels like someone died and they're being all jolly about it. Still, over now for another year.
But they were awful for us, both of them. Couldn't pin down exactly why though, but yesterday was our second Father's Day and now I think I can.
Firstly, if husband and I could have had birth children, we wouldn't have to share Mother's or Father's day with any other parent. As it is, our children's birth parents are present in mind if not body, for us as well as for the children, on both days.
Secondly, if husband and I could have had birth children, they would not have been screwed up by neglectful parenting, being in the care system and the trauma of adoption. Therefore our birth children would not be presenting us with such emotional and behavioural difficulties that meant I couldn't work, that meant sleepless nights and tears shed, that meant professional input was required.
Thirdly, our birth children would love us, which I am not yet sure our adopted children do.
Lastly, it's hard to take part in a day celebrating Mothers and Fathers when our children's birth parents - and those of the majority of adopted children in this country - were so unfit to be a Mother or a Father that their children had to be taken away from them.
So, yesterday was awful. The weirdest thing is that people who are close to us have no idea of the trauma such days bring to our family. It feels like someone died and they're being all jolly about it. Still, over now for another year.
Labels: Adoption, Friends And Family