Planet Adoption
0 comment Tuesday, May 20, 2014 |
Can I have Thing? I really really want Thing?Yes. Do X,Y and Z for me and you can have Thing.OK.Can I have Thing? I really really want Thing?Remember what I said you had to do to get Thing?Oh yeah!Have you done any of it?No *shout, scream, bang doors*Can I have Thing. I really really want Thing.Remember what I said you had to do to get Thing?Oh yeah!Have you done any of it?No *shout, scream, bang doors*Mummy! I've done X,Y and Z! It took me all of 3 minutes! Can I have Thing now?Yes, course you can. I am so proud that you did X,Y and Z. Well done. Here's the Thing you asked for.Can I have that other Thing as well?No, be grateful for what you've been given.OK.Where's the Thing?I gave it to my friend at school. Why?I don't know *scream, shout, bang doors*
Friends and Family
He hits, kicks, spits, breaks things, swears at me, tells me he wants to kill me and that he wants to die.All kids do that.He's testing boundaries.It's just a phase.My 3 year old tanrums too.Little bugger him!Have you tried giving him milk?Are you too strict?Are you being strict enough?I got angry the other day too. We all do.Couldn't you just have let him have whatever he wants?Just ignore him.
He hits, kicks, spits, breaks things, swears at me, tells me he wants to kill me and that he wants to die.This is very common behaviour in children who have suffered trauma.He's testing you, to see if you will reject him like his birth parents did.It's just a phase.He's presenting like a 3 year old.He's really testing you, isn't he?Food can play an important part in development.Are you allowing him to express himself and have choices?Are you not putting up strong enough boundaries and giving him too much choice?Being angry is naturalTreat him often, to let him know he's loved.Stay calm and acknowledge his anger.
Adoption Support
I'm an adopter and I would like some support please.You're a what?An adopter.And you want some what?Some support.Oh.This is Adoption Support, isn't it?Yes. What sort of support did you want?What do you have?We have support for adopters. Like what?Support.What sort of support?For adopters.Like what?Support.Such as?Who are you and what did you want again?
He gets upset at school and takes it out on his family at home. Can you keep him away from that boy, supervise him at lunchtimes, make sure the Dinner Ladies know to report any incidents involving him to you, tell his teacher not to use shame based punishments, and put all homework instructions in writing?Just talk to us, we can help.Thanks. Can we do those things then?We're always here if you need us.Great, Can we arrange all that then?Come talk to us any time.Brilliant. Can we do what I've just asked then?You only need to ask.I just did.He's not like that in school you know.
My Son wants to kill himself and his family.OK. Don't you have some sort of adoption agency who can help you with that?No. They've told me to come to you.OK. Just have a phone assessment, then a one-point-of-access assessment face-to-face, then an assessment with the psychologist we have assigned you to, who will not read anything of the previous assessments. That should take up most of the year.Then what?Then you keep meeting with the psychologist.For how long?For as long as it takes?For as long as what takes?For as long as it takes for you start to parent him properly.But we are parenting him properly!So you say!Yes, we do, because we are!Well, why is he behaving like this then?That's why we want professional help, to find that out.That's not our job. You're his parents. You figure it out.Why can't you help us?We can. We are! You're under CAMHS, seeing a psychologist.But we're not the one who needs a psychologistSo you say!Are you never going to see him?No, we're going to keep seeing you, doing absolutely nothing, trying to find out what you are doing to make this boy act this way, because That's the cheapest option for us and we've got no funding. We just pretend to help so that we can continue to exist and all get a pay packet.

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