0 comment Sunday, June 22, 2014 | admin
Before I forget, I should report that whilst Daughter was away, we had the Grandparents over so that Son could apologise for his behaviour. Both Husband and I briefed the Grandparents well beforehand and they did not make it easy for him, brush off what he did like it was no big thing, or bring him presents and offers of future treats, all things I was worried that they would do.
They sat on the Rug of Truth and Trust with him and after he had said sorry, and then upon request explained what he was sorry for, he squirmed and wriggled as we all talked about how in this family we do not hit, kick, hurt of swear etc...
He was very hyper by the time bedtime came, shame making him very uncomfortable, but he still let his Grandparents put him to bed with no trouble.
Next up, we take him and Daughter over to Grandparents' house and leave them there, during the day, for a couple of hours. The idea is to build up the trust again.
Son had news of his year groups residential course coming up in March. He wants to do it. His sister has done one and his best mate is going, and so he wants to go. Of course, by the time the course came around, he wouldn't want to go. It would completely freak him out. And there is no way he can handle being away from me and his home for four nights, no way.
Plus, he needs to earn the privilege. Daughter earned it and we made it clear to her (and Son) just how she earned it.
I had that chat with him about it all and he started wailing. When he stopped I explained that that was part of the problem, that he needed to be expressing himself more with words and less with emotional outbursts.
So he told me he was angry at me because I wouldn't let him go.
I told him that I wasn't letting him go because of his own behaviour. He didn't handle an overnighter at his Grandparents, and completely lost it last time they babysitted, so no, he'd have to show some real improvement in his behaviour before I let him do a school residential.
He said he'd never get better, so I talked about the progress he had made since I'd been his Mummy, and I stated a few examples of how he used to react, but doesn't anymore. Perhaps he can be ready for next year's residential, I suggested hopefully.
No, he said, he won't be, because his stupid Birth Mother taught him to hit and he'll always hit.
I said I thought it was sad he thought like that, and that I thought he could do it.
They sat on the Rug of Truth and Trust with him and after he had said sorry, and then upon request explained what he was sorry for, he squirmed and wriggled as we all talked about how in this family we do not hit, kick, hurt of swear etc...
He was very hyper by the time bedtime came, shame making him very uncomfortable, but he still let his Grandparents put him to bed with no trouble.
Next up, we take him and Daughter over to Grandparents' house and leave them there, during the day, for a couple of hours. The idea is to build up the trust again.
Son had news of his year groups residential course coming up in March. He wants to do it. His sister has done one and his best mate is going, and so he wants to go. Of course, by the time the course came around, he wouldn't want to go. It would completely freak him out. And there is no way he can handle being away from me and his home for four nights, no way.
Plus, he needs to earn the privilege. Daughter earned it and we made it clear to her (and Son) just how she earned it.
I had that chat with him about it all and he started wailing. When he stopped I explained that that was part of the problem, that he needed to be expressing himself more with words and less with emotional outbursts.
So he told me he was angry at me because I wouldn't let him go.
I told him that I wasn't letting him go because of his own behaviour. He didn't handle an overnighter at his Grandparents, and completely lost it last time they babysitted, so no, he'd have to show some real improvement in his behaviour before I let him do a school residential.
He said he'd never get better, so I talked about the progress he had made since I'd been his Mummy, and I stated a few examples of how he used to react, but doesn't anymore. Perhaps he can be ready for next year's residential, I suggested hopefully.
No, he said, he won't be, because his stupid Birth Mother taught him to hit and he'll always hit.
I said I thought it was sad he thought like that, and that I thought he could do it.
Labels: Adoption