the day after
0 comment Wednesday, May 14, 2014 |
Friday, the day after this, I set about acting upon the plans I had made.
First stop, school. I cornered the drippy Learning Mentor again and told her what had happened the night before and watched as she struggled and failed to know what to say or do. Luckily, I had banked on her being clueless and had instructions for her to follow. My Son was not allowed out at playtime or lunchtime, I told her. He was to be supervised by an adult at all times and not allowed anywhere near his key friendship group. I was simply not prepared for me and my Daughter to be subjected to such violence at home because his friends had upset him at school.
I could see she was a little panicked at what extra work this might be for her, and when she said that there was adult supervision out on the playground and that Son needs to go and have a run around and let off some energy, I told her that Son lets of steam by hitting and kicking other children and that he needed close supervision. For affect I then told her that if Son continued to hurt Daughter and subject our household to such violence I would disrupt his placement did she understand what that meant?
Then I left her to go to the school office and pick up some forms to apply for Son to do the after school club. That way, I could pick Daughter up from school and she could have some peace and quiet at home for a rest, then we could pick Husband up from work and go get Son together.
Waiting to speak to the office the Head Teacher happened to be passing and asked if I was OK. I told her that, no, I wasn't. She ushered me into an office and I brought her up-to-date on the latest events at home. I like the Head Teacher. She's one of those women who inspires total confidence in her. She told me that she had a daughter-in-law who works in a close supervised unit with vulnerable children and that the 'destructive' phase was recognised as a sign that the child was 'pushing boundaries' to check he was safe. What they did, she informed me, was just replace whatever had been broken again and again and again, until eventually it would be broken no more.
She was highly concerned with me, appalled that I was personally not getting any support because I was the key to all this, and offered again a referral to the school nurse, who as a health visitor had contact with all sorts of departments and organisations who could offer me help.
I got a pep-talk. Told me that if I could just grit my teeth and get through this, keep showing Son that he was safe, that he wasn't going anywhere, that the worst had already happened to him, that we would come out the other side. Her talk was so powerful that for several hours afterwards I totally believed in what she had said.
After that, I left the school and had some work for my business to attend to, then went to meet a friend for lunch. The only friend I will see at the moment because I feel totally safe with her.
My parents-in-law were waiting for me back home. I had asked Husband to ring them the night before to come with me to pick Son up from school. I did not want to be on my own with him. I also did not want to have spent the whole day knowing I was going to be on my own with him. It was as much an anxiety management strategy as a health & safety one.
Son was absolutely delighted to see his Grandparents and was a thoroughly adorable little boy with them. After I had cooked tea and picked Daughter up from sports club, I left them all and went to bed, having got through the day on three hours of shallow sleep.

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