0 comment Saturday, April 26, 2014 | admin
And lo! The day came when Mother's were worshipped and their holy perfectness and self-sacrifice celebrated, and many did rejoice in the street.
Hate it.
Firstly, because not all Mothers are good. Secondly, because my kids have another Mum. Thirdly because my relationship with my own Mum has sometimes been difficult. Fourthly because I know some women will be hurting because they can't have children and want them. Fifthly, because my FB timeline gets filled up with sad Daughters who have lost their Mum. One of my friend's lost her Mum on Friday, two days before Mother's Day.
With the passing years it has become such a highly charged emotional day.
Our first Mother's Day with the kids was awful. We were only five months in and the kids were still traumatised, tantrum prone and oppositional. We took them to the park for an ice cream and Husband tried to get a nice photo of me and the kids, but they would only scowl or look away.
Our second Mother's Day, the kids were fine, I wasn't. Husband had done his back in and it made him immobile. Therefore me and the kids went alone to my brother's for a buffet lunch, along with Mum and Dad and my other brother. My Mum made it quite clear that there was only ONE Mother to be celebrated that day, and it wasn't me. Despite the lunch being at my Brother's house, my Mum did all the food. She said she did it because 'there were so many people going', which instinctively took to mean that me and the kids were an added burden. So, my fault she had to do the food, not the fault of my lazy brother and her unhealthy need to still baby him, then. My brother was in a foul mood too and made me feel very uncomfortable by trying to goad the kids into doing things he knew I wouldn't approve of.
So, this year, I decided we were stopping in and seeing no one. I phoned Mum and told her in the week and she seemed a little put out that I wouldn't be worshipping at her alter this year. But then I had a lovely emotional phone call from her when she received the hamper I sent her and she was genuinely lovely to me.
As for the kids, they woke me up at 9am on Sunday morning with cards they had made for me and had actually kept secret! There were snuggles and laughs and breakfast in bed. I lay in bed, listened to The Archers, then had a nice hot shower before coming down to Husband making the lunch. In the afternoon we just hung out, on the laptop, the wii, doing art stuff. Son cried at bedtime, but he just sometimes needs to let stuff out. Husband and I didn't mention Mother's Day. The enthusiasm for celebrating it came from the kids, and it felt very lovely. They must think of their birth Mum on Mother's Day, but I could see that this year, they were also thinking of me.
Hate it.
Firstly, because not all Mothers are good. Secondly, because my kids have another Mum. Thirdly because my relationship with my own Mum has sometimes been difficult. Fourthly because I know some women will be hurting because they can't have children and want them. Fifthly, because my FB timeline gets filled up with sad Daughters who have lost their Mum. One of my friend's lost her Mum on Friday, two days before Mother's Day.
With the passing years it has become such a highly charged emotional day.
Our first Mother's Day with the kids was awful. We were only five months in and the kids were still traumatised, tantrum prone and oppositional. We took them to the park for an ice cream and Husband tried to get a nice photo of me and the kids, but they would only scowl or look away.
Our second Mother's Day, the kids were fine, I wasn't. Husband had done his back in and it made him immobile. Therefore me and the kids went alone to my brother's for a buffet lunch, along with Mum and Dad and my other brother. My Mum made it quite clear that there was only ONE Mother to be celebrated that day, and it wasn't me. Despite the lunch being at my Brother's house, my Mum did all the food. She said she did it because 'there were so many people going', which instinctively took to mean that me and the kids were an added burden. So, my fault she had to do the food, not the fault of my lazy brother and her unhealthy need to still baby him, then. My brother was in a foul mood too and made me feel very uncomfortable by trying to goad the kids into doing things he knew I wouldn't approve of.
So, this year, I decided we were stopping in and seeing no one. I phoned Mum and told her in the week and she seemed a little put out that I wouldn't be worshipping at her alter this year. But then I had a lovely emotional phone call from her when she received the hamper I sent her and she was genuinely lovely to me.
As for the kids, they woke me up at 9am on Sunday morning with cards they had made for me and had actually kept secret! There were snuggles and laughs and breakfast in bed. I lay in bed, listened to The Archers, then had a nice hot shower before coming down to Husband making the lunch. In the afternoon we just hung out, on the laptop, the wii, doing art stuff. Son cried at bedtime, but he just sometimes needs to let stuff out. Husband and I didn't mention Mother's Day. The enthusiasm for celebrating it came from the kids, and it felt very lovely. They must think of their birth Mum on Mother's Day, but I could see that this year, they were also thinking of me.
Labels: Adoption, Friends And Family, Motherhood