repair 2
0 comment Saturday, March 29, 2014 |
Having ignored Son for most of the weekend I got to a place on Sunday afternoon where I felt able to talk to him. We went to his room. I explained to him that how he had behaved on Friday night was abusive, and I explained what abuse was, and how it affected people who experienced it. How his abuse had affected me and his Dad.
I told him that I accepted his apology but that I had not yet forgiven him. I explained about trust and how I didn't trust him. I told him that his parents patience with him had worn out, and that because he clearly could not handle sports clubs, cinema, soft play centres, play dates, trips to the park, supermarket shopping, or being given any sort of present or gift, that for the time being these things were no longer on offer to him. The routine at home would be the same, I said, but life was going to be very quiet for him from now on.
Then I talked about a little boy called XXX who must be so hurt inside to get so very angry. And how his dad and I were talking to Doctors who helped people with their minds and their emotions, and that this mind Doctor was going to help him. I reflected that it must be very hard to be XXX and not be in control of his emotions and to want to hurt people who love him, and I said that I really hoped the Doctor could help him. If he was poorly with an ear infection, I said, or a broken leg, I would take him to the body Doctor, so as he has trouble with his emotions he was going to see an emotion Doctor.
Then I told him that you cannot rip up love. That although he ripped up the painting his granddad did for him, that it wasn't possible to rip up his granddad's love, or mine, or his dad's. That once love was in the heart it never went away and you couldn't get it out.
I reminded him that his birth mother still held love for him, just like he held love in his heart for her.
I couldn't honestly tell if he was sneering or trying not to cry, or perhaps both.
I went over and hugged him and he hugged me back. Then I breathed warm air onto his neck and said 'That's what love feels like.'
He spent the rest of the day in a manic state whilst his Dad and I just waited for the night to come.